What’s your name?
It was like seeing someone rise from the dead. Well, literally speaking, you have seen that many times before, being a hunter and all. But this time, you were saying it in a metaphorical sense.You buried all your memories of him years ago and now it’s all coming back to you. The pain. The heartbreak. The tears.
‘It was nice seeing you again’, you lied through your teeth, pulling up a smile though you feel as if your insides were falling apart.You quickly turned around and walked away from them as you have noticed that his girlfriend is giving you the ‘I will kill you if you take my man’ stare.
Your drive back to the bunker was surprisingly quick. Maybe it was because your memories of him from years before flashed before your eyes. He was your first love, well, it was unrequited, but then, you loved him so much that you were willing to do everything for him. You finally gathered the courage to tell him about how you feel. However, he said that he can not love you back because, as he had put it, you were unlike the other girls, you were not pretty and ‘girly’ enough.
‘Y/N, I did not expect you to be back so soon, did you get me a pie?’ Dean asked from across the room as you entered the bunker, you seemed like in a trance, lost in your thoughts. You heard Dean but you were just too preoccupied with the overwhelming feelings to reply. ‘Hey Y/N, you listening? Did you even go to the store?’ ,Dean called out to you. You did not notice the confused look Sam gave you as you walked past him. You wanted to be alone so you ran towards your room and once you have closed the door, you broke down crying.
You somehow felt silly for crying over it but then you were reminded of how it was painful for you. He was the reason why you felt not worthy enough. You were very much insecure of yourself. It took a while for you to be able to learn to love yourself, flaws and all. Seeing him somehow triggered your self-hatred tendencies and now you’re feeling worse than ever. You were somehow envious of other people who get to live a normal life, who get to be loved. You wish that some day, maybe someone could love you like you love them.
Your thoughts were broken by a loud knock on your door. It’s probably Dean looking for his pie. After all, you were on the grocery run duty this week but your trip was cut off by a bad memory.
‘I will go back later for the pie Dean, just give me an hour.’, you shouted through the door. You thought that you’re just being over emotional about the whole situation. Screw the feeling of being unloved. You knew from the beginning that being a hunter leaves no room for attachments. You figured you might as well forget about the whole idea, Besides, you can’t miss what you never had. You wiped your tears away. Looking at yourself through the mirror. You forced a smile. ‘Things will be better.’, you tell yourself.
There was another knock on the door. ‘Fine Dean, I’ll go out now to get your pie.’, you said as you walked over to open your door. You were surprised to see the King of Hell leaning on your door frame.
‘Hey, you want me to get you something?’, you said in an upbeat manner, trying to hide how awful you feel inside. Crowley just looked at you, his gaze piercing through your soul. It was as if he could tell what is going on through your mind. ‘I’ll take your silence as a ‘No’ then. Be back soon’, you said as you proceeded to leave your room.
You have always been on good terms with Crowley. You’re human, he’s a demon. The natural order of things says that demons and humans should not be in good relations at all. Well, everything is chaos at the moment so it doesn’t matter what the natural order says. Even the Winchesters who seemed to be in a good working relationship with the King of Hell warned you about his tendency to manipulate people for his personal gain.
When you first met Crowley, you were a bit scared, they didn’t make him King of Hell for nothing. However, there’s something about him that makes you drawn to trust him. It was a huge leap but you went for it anyway. All those months you’ve known Crowley, there was not a time you felt he used you in any way. For someone who kills and tortures people for fun, he was such charmer and he was a joy to be with. He has also saved your life so many times but he was not one for asking something in return. When you’re not out hunting with Sam and Dean, you’re spending the time with Crowley in his palace, whether it was just by going through the rare finds in his library or just talking about all sorts of topics while going over through his extensive wine collection.
Crowley blocked your way out of your room with his towering frame. You knew Crowley probably knows about what you are trying to hide. ‘C’mon Crowley, Dean might kill me if I don’t get him his pie soon enough.’, you joked, hoping that he’ll let it go.
‘You know there’s no use of hiding it from me because I can see through you.’, he sounded stern but with a tinge of worry.
‘It’s nothing, really. Just saw the guy I like years back today and I took a trip down memory lane filled with self-loathing. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you so just don’t mind me.’, you said quite nervously, you did not want the King of Hell see how pathetic you are.
‘Shall I have my boys give him a lesson?’, he inquired.
’Gosh, no Crowley, you don’t have to do that, it’s not about him anymore now.’, you answered.
Crowley looked at you, studying your expressions. ’Love– You want to be loved.’, he declared.
You knew there was no point in hiding it from Crowley, so you decided to tell him the truth. ‘I don’t know, it’s probably just my problem. I feel that I have so much love to give but no one wants any of it. It just happens that I’m not destined to be loved. I sound pathetic, can we just finish this conversation already? I feel embarrassed.’, you admitted.
‘Don’t be embarrassed darling, because I know how you feel.’, he replied. ‘Listen Y/N, you are wonderful, darling. You deserve to be loved and you are loved. Those two flannel-wearing monkeys of yours would die for you. I would do everything in my power to help you. You have a spark in you and you brighten up the room. You may find it hard to believe me, being a manipulative demon and all, but I am telling you the truth.’, he added.
You were speechless, you stood there, trying your hardest to let it all sink in.
‘If anyone makes you feel otherwise, I’d be glad to personally escort them to my torture chamber and do the honors. Now how about I show you my newly renovated recreation room in hell, how’s that sound?’, he offered.
‘Well, I bet Dean’s pie could wait.’, you said smiling as you went with Crowley.
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